The cold hard reality to this, it doesn’t matter what he promises. I don’t care how many trips he takes you on, or rings that he buys you. It’s all talk. So many women fall for the fairytale idea that somehow, he’s going to leave his family behind, and ride off into the sunset with you. He has a wife, he has children, and he has commitments. All that’s happening is he’s not getting what he needs at home, so you’re giving it to him instead. He spends time with you, and then goes home to play Daddy. He loves his kids. His wife isn’t giving him what he needs. He has the best of both worlds, and he knows full well he’s playing you.
I have been dating a married man for the past 5 years. I am very embarrassed about the situation. He pursued me for a while before we started dating and I finally gave in knowing that he was married. He told me in the beginning their relationship was very rocky and he wanted a divorce. That divorce never came and now I have become the side chick. I get everything I want from him money, gifts, sex but there is no true commitment. My question is how can I get him to commit to me? I don’t want to let go but I can’t live like this forever. He keeps telling me he needs more time because of the kids. But they are 5 and 7 so how much time does he need? I need your advice I am very close to telling his wife, but I stop myself because I know that he will leave me if that happens.
Signed, Dobrig
Dear Dobrig,
“He said he wants a divorce,” is what he has been telling you for the past five years while continuing to cheat on his wife. My question to you is if this is how he treats his wife, do you really think he’s going to treat you better? It’s apparent that money, gifts and sex kept you around this long, but sooner or later that newness wears off. In my opinion, a man who has been cheating on his wife (regardless of the circumstances) for this long is not going to suddenly leave his family and commit to you. He will continue to betray the woman he made vows to and see you because he’s getting everything he wants. It’s called having your cake and eating it too. The fact that you have stuck it out this long shows me you probably won’t let go of him that easy, so my advice to you is to think long and hard about telling his wife. You will have to deal with the guilt of inflicting emotional pain on his spouse and kids. It’s important to consider that there are many people who are affected by this affair. Dating a married man has a strong likelihood of being a failure and leading to a dead end for the mistress, especially if he’s not even contemplating leaving his wife. Nevertheless, if he is thinking about filing a divorce you must live with the guilt of being responsible for ruining a family. Don’t limit yourself to him as there are plenty of opportunities to meet a single man who wants to be in an open and honest relationship with you. A man who truly loves you would not put you in this type of situation.
At the end of the day he goes back home to be with his wife while you are left feeling lonely. It will be difficult, but you need to end the affair. You deserve better than him, and frankly, so does his wife.
XOXO,
Jennifer
